Osmosis is Bullshit.

Main Entry: os·mo·sis
Pronunciation: äz-'mO-s&s, äs-
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural os·mo·ses /-"sEz/
: movement of a solvent through a semipermeable membrane (as of a living cell) into a solution of higher solute concentration that tends to equalize the concentrations of solute on the two sides of the membrane
“osmosis.” Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary. Merriam-Webster, Inc. 13 Oct. 2006. <Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/osmosis>

“Scientists” have been spreading rumours. They say there is a tendency for high concentrations of a substance (i.e. the information in my textbooks) to travel through a semipermeable membrane (i.e. my eyes) to try to equalize the concentration in a lower saturated area (i.e. my brain).

I have been staring at my books for hours and haven’t learned a thing.

THAT’s why I am in the social sciences.

Make Mine The Iron Stomach

What do you think of a good name of a guy whose superpowers include the ability to battle a mean hang over?

Hair-of-the-Dog Man!

The Iron Stomach (can also withstand being hit in the stomach with nearly anything, and spicey food)

The Advilizer!

Major Motrin

Tylenolesaurus Rex (powers also include transmutation into a T-Rex)

Gravolinater

Basic Reflux (also can hypnotize onlookers through the power of break dancing – a seemingly unrelated paranormal ability)

why there are not shows about 20 somethings

I don’t wear Monolo Blahnicks. I can’t even spell it. I’m not 30 and I can’t go out every night to some new club opening in town:

a) Because I don’t live in New York, and there aren’t a whole lot of new places opening on a fucking Wednesday;

b) Because going out every night costs a fuckload of money that only rich sniveling bastards have and/or;

c) I’m either too tired from working or actually at work to go to the theoretical club/bar opening. Even on Weekends.

d) All of the above.

(Multiple choice format was used in the above fictional exam because multiple choice exams save the university money insofar as they can go ahead and employ less Teaching Assistants, making it less likely for students to get jobs)

The whole “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” bullshit doesn’t apply to those 20 somethings who pay for their own livelihoods. A yuppie definitely wrote that. (Sure I don’t even know or care who wrote that song or the proper name for it, but I’m ranting and am not going to wiki it.) We 20-somethings are working on the fucking weekends so that we can eat food and/or pay our rent. And possibly our tuition. Oh and we don’t get “benefits” or “paid sick days” or anything like that because we do temp, part-time, or casual work.

You know why there aren’t any television programs about 20 year olds? It’s not because we aren’t interesting or don’t have quirky, laugh-track-worthy lifestyles—it’s because we don’t have any money. We can’t hang out in a coffee shop constantly because we would be fined and ticketed for loitering.

Coffee costs money.

So do muffins.

We especially can’t hang out in shmancy places that sell organic, shade-grown, didn’t-kill-the-whales, libido-enhancing, acne-removing, no-fat fucking lattes.

Maybe, MAYBE we could go to like TimmyHo’s to get a tea one time every other month or so (they totally started serving “steeped” tea so they could up the price on tea—I’m on to you bastards).

All sitcoms are about 30+ somethings. What the shit is that about? Fuck that shit. The only students who make it to the Big Fucking Screen or the Idiot Box are those who go out and party all the time, or take like European vacations where they endure a variety of trials and tribulations and in the end the Boy gets the Girl and they live happily fucking after. And then there’s the ubiquitous college student horror/thriller film that was so overdone that making fun of the “genre” somehow became a new, more pathetic genre (sub-genre?).

I can’t relate to that bullshit.

I wouldn’t want to.

The douches that go on the European Vacation on Daddy’s Visa, or send their liquor bill home to Mommy, were and will always be the assholes that no one ever liked in highschool yet everyone feared and thought was cool.

I never thought you were cool.

I still think you’re an asshole.

So why the shit are you on my fucking television?

Fuck off – I’m trying to procrastinate.

an exercise in derivativity

Thus far today I have watched one movie, alphabetized by comic books (and placed them in chronological order), made several unanswered telephone calls, and cleaned my kitchen. I seriously considered washing the dish soap bottle when I realized Danny Tanner had done that once before.

It is important to be original.

I should probably just write my thesis proposal but starting a blog seems incredibly important right now. (A half a ninja told me I had to, or my head would be chopped off. Not actually, but that seems like something a ninja might say. I’m really just copying her starting-a-blog-as-a-procrastination-device-that-I-legitimize-to-myself-as-an-

excercise-in-writing idea.)

I just left to start the chicken, which I am cooking in chicken broth, garlic, and basil. I am going to add white onion, green pepper and broccoli – not because I believe these items will taste good together, but because this is what is in my fridge and the food will otherwise go rotten.

If you brown beef, do you white chicken?

I fucking cut myself and got onion juices in it which both stings and smells. I’m not even hungry. I should probably just write.

Why can’t my neighbours shut up? I think I prefer the 10-year-old floutist to the yuppie-hipster types that are now residing in the apartment next door. I bet they are having granola cosmopolitans over a game of Trivial Pursuit 1990’s edition – so they can actually acquire a few pieces of the pie and finish in time for some curried channa rotis and a thirty- or forty-dollar bottle of red wine. I hear red wine compliments bullshit vegetarian dinners very nicely.