Caution: Doom Still Impending

It seems that the Terror Alert was reduced to Yellow – an elevated risk of a terroristic attack – sometime between now and the last time I blogged about how to prepare yourself for the inevitable. Yellow, of course, means there is a significant risk of a terrorist attack. Luckily, there is some discussion surrounding building a moat (in addition to the fence) on the US and Mexico border, which will significantly reduce the risk of terrorism, and could possibly lower the terror alert to blue – a general risk of terroristic attacks.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_the_u_s_moat

Hopefully, this idea will be extrapolated to the North so that the US may protect itself from Canada, a nation known to be a brothel house of terroristic breeding.

Constant viligance, my friends.

p.

Never Die Rope!

Has Work Become Too Soul-Crushing to Go on??

You need…

NEVER DIE ROPE!

The Rope that Never Quits – until you do!

$5.99

If tied properly, a noose tied with Never Die Rope! can hold up to 337 pounds! There will be no need for second attempts to end it all if you use this new, amazing product specifically engineered to help you make it all stop. But wait, there’s more! If you order now we’ll throw in a

NEVER DIE STEP STOOL!

for just 45.99 more! What a freeking great deal! Remember, in order to have a quick snap and a clean break you need to be sure to drop from at least 3 meters off the ground—the exact height of this new and improved stool! But wait, you need something to hang from! And we have just the thing for you!

NEVER DIE REINFORCED STEAL BAR!

Buy the Rope and Stool, and we will throw in the Reinforced Steal Bar for Free! Included in this package to end the need for all other packages are instructions on how to tie a noose, use a stool, and install the bar! Ending it all has never been so easy and affordable.

Product testimonies:

“Very Affordable, thanks for the option!” Yvonne, 25

“Kim, you kill me” Channa, 23