Caution: Doom Still Impending

It seems that the Terror Alert was reduced to Yellow – an elevated risk of a terroristic attack – sometime between now and the last time I blogged about how to prepare yourself for the inevitable. Yellow, of course, means there is a significant risk of a terrorist attack. Luckily, there is some discussion surrounding building a moat (in addition to the fence) on the US and Mexico border, which will significantly reduce the risk of terrorism, and could possibly lower the terror alert to blue – a general risk of terroristic attacks.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_the_u_s_moat

Hopefully, this idea will be extrapolated to the North so that the US may protect itself from Canada, a nation known to be a brothel house of terroristic breeding.

Constant viligance, my friends.

p.

2 Minutes to Midnight

On March 17, 2007 the US’s terror alert level was raised to orange:

Orange: High Condition
High risk of terrorist attacks.

Source: Homeland Security

Orange Alert is only a stones throw away from Red Alert: SEVERE RISK OF TERRORIST ATTACKS.

A while back the government released a video to help the nation prepare for impending doom. Although not as useful as periodic updates on how scared and prepared we should be, the following video could save the lives of you and yours.

Remember, in the event of an atomic scare to duck & cover:

Constant viligance, my friends.

p.

We’re on to you, Global Warming.

Winter pretty much started in January in Ontario, and Vancouver has been getting fucked since like August. Well, maybe not since August, I am originally from the general vicinity of Toronto so clearly I am ignorant of what is going on the rest of Canada.

Let’s say Augustish, then.

One of those stereotypes about Canadians that is probably true is we are perpetually concerned with the weather. This is not especially surprising as we have diverse and extreme weather patterns – we know what both -40 and +35 feel like, how to dress for it, and what the weather will probably be like tomorrow.

So when I don’t have to wear my long johns and a toque in January, I know something is wrong with the world. Most other Canadians realize something is off, too.

Now, Harper on the other hand, is probably a robot. So he would have had to get a memo about the obvious temperature-related aberrations Canada is experiencing.

It seems he did.

Seems is the key word there.

The environment is now part of the government’s revised fifth priority.

(Hippies, don’t light up your joints and claim victory yet.)

(If you beatniks in the corner could also put down the maryjane, it would be appreciated.)

Something we Canadians talk about less than the weather is politics.

We are perpetually concerned about the weather –

We are also constantly on the verge of an election.

Yup, any day now there MAY be election.

Any day.

(I’m not in poli sci or anything but I suspect it has something to do about the fact they we have enjoyed minority governments for the last few years.)

So does this new concern with the weather stem from a paucity of toque sales this winter? Or, is it part of the endless conservative election campaign? I suspect the latter. Backing out of Kyoto and the bullshit Clean Air Act ruffled a few feathers when they happened. But now the effects of Global Warming are glaringly obvious to pretty much anyone in Canada who isn’t a robot and therefore impervious to temperature changes. (This assumes, of course, that the Harperbot doesn’t have some sort of temperature recording device.) Do you know what doesn’t facilitate good policy decision-making – particularly with respect to the environment? Short-term election-campaign-type policy planning. And if we do actually, finally have an election, any new Bills will be dropped.

We’re on to you, Global Warming.

But we’re not going to do anything useful to stop you, or slow you down. After all, the weather in Ontario is better than ever!